have you read the book(s) Divorce Busting or the 2nd and better one, "Divorce Remedy" yet? Please do so asap so you understand the approach here. It's step #1.
Your decisions and approach have been so so. Not horrible but not helpful and not the Div busting way yet.
I've read most of Divorce Busting but haven't picked up Divorce Remedy. I agree that it's been so so. I keep trying to fix things when I see progress, and I need to back off that; it just results in falling further back than before progress.
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Sounds like you don't know what works but are doing some of what does not.
I used to know what works, but since (as far as I can tell) she has no desire to be married to me anymore and views me leaving as the solution to her happiness, I don't know how to apply what I know works to our current situation.
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Own what you must about your part in getting here, even though it sounds as if you are not.
I think I've actually owned it too much, to the point that my wife sees no fault in herself. I've owned it from the get-go, but I've had to ask, and then suggest what her part in this has been, because she can't ever come up with anything she might have done (or not done) to contribute to the state we find ourselves.
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Bottom line if your w doesn't want to be married to you as you are now.
Actually, I believe that she does want to be married to the person I am now. The problem is that she feels as though I will let her down again, and become the person I've been for the last 5 years (depressed, etc). Only consistent behavior on my part will change that, and I've been consistent for several months now
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So if she says you are hot tempered, you become uber calm and laid back
if she says you never help around the house, YOU HELP!
She is actually the hot tempered one, and has gotten physical with me in the past. I've remained calm for the most part over the last 9 months, and the helping around the house thing is one of the things she mentioned. That has COMPLETELY turned around. Everything she has asked of me I've done, and then some. So as far as I can tell there is something she hasn't asked, that I haven't done. And either she doesn't know or she won't tell me what it is.
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Be the best dad you can be now too. No woman is unmoved by the loving interaction of her child with their father.
I've been a stay at home dad for 6 years, and have been a great dad. She thinks that's one of my best qualities. I've even improved the quality of the time I spend with them. They keep my heart lifted when it falls.
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[b]Concede some things needed changing in YOU and work on those--
b/c if you don't concede that, nothing will change and she won't come back.
While she initially brought up some things that were making her unhappy in January, I took those things and ran with them. I have changed my look, my fitness level, my contribution level around the house, taken charge on some things she wanted me to, and she's been very happy with the result. But something is still missing. There is some change required, I will absolutely conceded that, because if nothing needed to change, we'd be healing by now.
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Don't make this about being "right" [/b] make it about being happy, together.
To be 100% honest, I've never really cared about being right, especially during this process. I've made it known that I have no desire to prove to her that this was anyones fault. I don't care about being right or wrong, I just care about the happiness of my wife, my children, and me.
Thanks for your reply, hopefully this gives some additional details.
