I totally agree with db here ^^^^^ although I can not see if you might be saying WHY you need to go to NY, other than you are currently not working and have family in NY...
While we all understand how difficult it can be to live with a spouse who doesn't want to be married, only you know how much you can take...
But... even though it's not necessarily a reason to stay because it likely means nothing, your W "tearing up" and her (unprovable) words indicating the OM is out of the picture...
For the time being... can you emotionally deal with it a little more?
Again... why are you moving...?
Because also understand, that in some (maybe many) jurisdictions, the moment you leave the marital bed, or worse, the familial home and kids... you have made the move towards D... YOU are abandoning the family...
Let us know what is driving you and how we can help you, regardless of your ultimate choice...
