time and distance

[any chance?]

OK, I just have to say it: I miss my W terribly. I keep telling myself that she is gone for good, no looking back for her, for that is certainly how it seems. Time to move on, time to forge a new life and leave all this behind. The last 2-3 years were rugged, but nothing like some of the sitches on this board. Sometimes I wish W would look at this board for perspective, but that is not going to happen.

But part of me says she is a WAW in a fog. Needs time and space to sort things out. Her not contacting me for the past couple of weeks is just her way of seeking inner peace and perspective on independence. She needs this time, I tell myself.

But then the churning in my stomach tells me I am a fool. Holding out hope for the impossible. Our separations is in its infancy according to others on this board, but I already find myself asking how much of this catastrophic loneliness and emptiness can I stand?

I apologise for my repetitiveness. My mind seems to be caught in a closed loop. I wish I had any idea what was running through W's mind, but I know that is unknowable and out of my control.

Tomorrow starts a new week. Struggling for a new perspective. Need to break the closed loop.

Thanks for listening