Thank you for your response. For what ever reason, I think my H thought this would all go very smoothly and without a lot of emotional angst. He called my best friend today, they are also couple friends of ours, my H wanted to talk with them about our situation. My friend could not meet today or tomorrow with H. (I am thankful actually) I don't know what to make of this. My friend said she thought he sounded lonely. I know what all of you out there in DB cyberspace are thinking right now, that I need to stop worrying about him, and start worrying about myself.
One thing that continues to nag at me about the DB concepts is that this is really for me and not for my H or my marriage. I have to admit that I have not fully embraced this. I want to, but my primary motive still feels like I am doing this to save my marriage. Does it just take awhile to get beyond the marriage focus? There is a consistent message throughout this board that it is all about fixing yourself and not about fixing the marriage. And I get that in theory. I am having difficulty getting the focus off my marriage and on to me.
I think it is JJ who said he started to focus on the KLA information to help him understand the changes he needed to make. Do you reccomend that I do the same? I don't know anything about the KLA focus.
I do believe that if my H and I survive this we will emerge as a better couple. But what is still hard for me to comprehend, is that I did not think anything was bad about our marriage the way that it was. My three sons have told me the same thing. When we told our 3 boys that we were separating, our youngest who is 17 said, "I feel like a fool, because I did not know anything bad was going on here." I think that is because there is nothing bad going on here.
Can a MLCer see a marriage through their lense inaccurately? Maybe I am trying to find a blame for this.......I know how important it is to own my part of it, but I don't know what part of it to own.
