Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[25yearsmlc]

Mary, um, how to put this delicately??? How about


"be quiet!"

I keep screwing up in little ways. Before she left I said this: " I don't want to push you into someone else's arms. I know I've f-ed up a lot, but I love you from the bottom of my heart. I want to prove to you that i can be the person you need. Sometimes what we need is right at home.....Do you still have an emotional connection with me?"

W : Yes, because of him
ME: How about because of us?
W: Somewhat I guess
Just show me. Don't tell me.


Not a bad conversation considering you screwed up and started R talk. The good news is you got valuable info. She wants demonstrable changes not words.

So be quiet and BE the changes she wants (Assuming they are valid and authentic for YOU).

Don't highlight them or say "see? See how I've changed? NOW Do you want me???"

I think that even though I broke those rules -- I was honest at least --- but could it be positive her saying show me. ? Maybe that is what she wants ?

YES THAT^^^ IS WHAT SHE WANTS!!

She just left to go to OW. I'm taking S4 to playplace at Burger King.

not bad Mary. I wish you had some legal rights to s4 though. IF you are sure you don't, then so be it. But be sure.

So is she a sahm now? And she's willing to give that up for OW who wants to support her and s4?

I doubt she's thought this through much.

Do not ask her.

And know that she knows how you feel. What she needs is to know you can change and you have to be consistent about that or it looks too tactical and you'll revert once she recommits (or so she fears.)

Do the math:

consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

We'll worry about forgiveness and rebuilding trust, when you are in a position to b/c you are not now, my friend.

That's how it is.

Do YOUR work b/c it's your job and it's the only thing you control here.

Hang in there. She has some feelings left for you and she loves s4, right? That's a bond that is hard to beat. If you allay her feelings and help meet her unmet needs, that has to help. Plus, you're a better person for it.

Make sense?