Yes, you've come so far, DG. I can see in the way you've shared with this board. I know what you're saying - I think I had some walls built up, too, that are coming down. That's fantastic that you've grown so much through this!
Went out with my friend who was in town for the holiday weekend last night. Had a great time. He left early this morning and I'll see him again probably over Thanksgiving. Hard to think that the holidays will be here before I know it, and I'll be spending them without my H. It makes me sad to think about so I try not to. When it gets here I'll deal. Got home late, but feeling good this morning. I'm glad for the extra day off of work. Today I plan on relaxing and catching up on my domestic duties. It feels like fall in the air and I love it.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
DG: Glad you had a good weekend. Enjoy your day. I am in the upper Midwest as well, and fall is definately in the air!
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Today was uneventful for the most part. Spent a good majority of it watching TV and relaxing. I did get some domestic things done around the house and went for a walk, but that was the extent of it.
A good friend of mine and her bf have decided to break up. He started moving his stuff out today so I went over there to be with her because she was so upset. I hate this. I hate that we all have to experience such pain. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart. On my way home, I couldn't help but think about my H. About how much I miss him. About how many times I came home from work with him waiting anxiously to see me and I blew him off. The dishes were more important. Laundry had to be done. Pretty much everything was a priority. What I wouldn't give for the opportunity to have him be here, to come home and throw my arms around him and kiss him and tell him how much I had missed him while I was at work. I miss so much. Lying in bed together, him walking behind me with his arms around me while I pushed the cart at the grocery store. The crazy silly videos he would send me through out the day if I was having a bad day at work.
Yes, we had rough times. Very rough times. We also had great times. I used to say he was my one and only and he'd say I was his only and one.
As I sit here writing all of this with tears streaming down my face, all I want is one more chance. Just one more to show him how much he is loved and missed and that I will never, ever take him for granted again. All those times he professed his love for me but it was never good enough. I was in an emotional coma and I couldn't see anything but myself, and my own pain. I was so selfish.
I know it is pointless to beat myself up over something I can't change, but I'm feeling hopeless & helpless at the same time. More than ANYTHING I just want my H to come home. To rebuild with me. I know, I know. I want, I want, I want.
I'm feeling very broken tonight. I could use some prayers.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Hugs. I know the feeling. I too used to think the kids, the washing, meals etc were more important then H and brushed him off. I just want one more chance - here's hoping one of us will get that.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
DG, your post brought me to tears.. I could have written most of it myself. No words can fix or change how we feel. I can't tell you how many times I've also wished for a second chance. I'm so sorry and I will say a prayer for you tonight.
Me: 35 H: 33 M: 3 1/2 years, together 6 years No kids Bomb #1: ILYBNILWY 1/25/11 Signed 6 month lease: 3/16/11 Separated: 4/2/11 I'm moving..alone: 9/27/11
