Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

Interesting that so many people think you are angry - I accept that you are not, we know ourselves best.

What i don't really get any sense of, is what you want at this point in time. Do you want your husband back? If not, and the marriage wasn't that great, then surely it is better to find that out now than later? Or do you want your husband to change? Real change takes a lot of time to work through.

Ideally, yes I want my STBX back. We had our problems especially communicatively, but I did not and do not see them as insoluble.
In my analysis,it would require change from him as well. I am willing to facilitate progress in that direction in any way I can and he is aware of that.

However, my POV really matters little here. STBX appears to believe any problems we did/do have are not solvable and he's not willing to work with me on recovering or improving our relationship. I can only dance alone to the music in my head for so long and my feet are bloody.

In my perception, STBX tolerates contact with me because of our children, not out of loyalty, or past/present regard for me, or any good feeling about our M.
He is polite, and sometimes ( see previous threads) crazily generous.

Is there anything your husband could do? I get along much better with my xh post divorce as he trundles merrily through his MLC. Or remains stuck. Hard to know at this point.

Yes there is something he could do. He chooses not to do it. On some level I sense a pride/reluctance to ask for or reach out for help. He appears to want to do it all by himself without professional guidance, or even research to obtain new tools. (IE. reading any self help books.)

As to dating: I found friends to do stuff with in unlikely places. Old friends stepped up to the mark, new friends emerged. You do not have to date to find people to do stuff with, except perhaps romantic dinners!

I am sorry you feel helpless and hopeless though. That is such a painful way to feel. You are of course a capable, intelligent and strong minded woman.

It is never too late for anything. Just believe me and others on this. We could all be wrong, but i do not think we are.

The intellectual side of me knows unlikely opportunities exist, but are fairly rare, and to grasp them requires faith and fearlessness.


Right now I have neither.

If it were only about me, and I didn't have other considerations perhaps at least I'd be willing to take more risks, but I have other people reliant on me and their lives will be even more changed by that. I won't gamble with their futures.

Thanks for your exchange with me Beatrice, I am grateful for the feedback and questions. It has helped me slow down get my thoughts in order.