Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

I was doing better - we had a nice time yesterday. Went out to eat. Fun. Laughter and smiles. I was light and easy. We go out together the two of us once a week. But I keep backsliding. OMG. I made plans for us to take S4 to see Smurfs. She said, sure and seemed to want to go. Well, this am she's up and headed to OW's house to 'plant flowers' WTF??

She won't even water the flowers in our backyard. Here I go being devastated again. I know, 25Years, I know..... don't worry so much about what she's doing....but ..... i told her I am not thrilled with her heading over there. I said, you know, I can give you love, time and space, and know that no matter what I am here and I love you. Was that a blow it??? I don't know. She's showering now to leave....then will meet S4 and I later at the movies. I don't want to see her after knowing what she's likely been doing all afternoon.

It's been 1 week to the day that i found out they at least kissed......Why on earth do we let them control our emotions? After talking with her mom on friday (i still need to post about that - really good talk) I was more positve. Feeling like my W will come back and try again to save our family.... her mom said when she was young that was what happened with her and W's dad. They both had affairs, but decided to stay togetehr and work hard to make the family work. They will have been married 40 years this month. That is the family my W comes from.

Maybe she will get this out of her system. This texting is bad enough but going over there to 'plant flowers' -- i'm literally going to throw up now. No matter what I do, I can't stop this pain right now.

I shoudn't have asked if she had plans. One good thing I guess is she tells me but without telling the whole thing. What does that mean? I'm rambling b/c I'm freaking. Sorry!!! It happens to us all i guess....