I'm still here

[jbnati]

DG, I am going to agree with a lot of what was said earlier. I wouldn't say you F'd up. You just responded out of emotion. You backslid, but we ALL backslide from time to time - we're human.

It's hard to know what the truth is. If he's not sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not, and if he IS sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not.

How is it going to change your strategy for what you're doing? You have come so far. How much has he grown out of this?

[Julz]

It's hard to know what the truth is. If he's not sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not, and if he IS sleeping with the OW, he's going to say he's not.

Yup Yup Yup.

Totally agree. Like when H dropped kids back last fortnight - first thing S said was H kissed OW twice today. H immediately said no I didn't. It's all out in the open and he's still lying about it!

[Endeavour]

DG, I agree. I don't think you F'd up at all. You asked a question. You didn't rant and rave. I think you did a pretty good job of maintaining your dignity. Your H has ignored you for months and that must be so hard and so hurtful. He has to know that at least.

I think he's being really heartless.

And I'm so sorry. ((()))

[~¤DG¤~]

Good morning everyone---

I'm doing better this morning. Today is a new day.
I woke up at 5am because I was starving and it was raining softly outside.
I love listening to the rain.

Thank you to everyone who was there for me last night.
Your words of encouragement helped a lot and I am very appreciative to ALL of you.

[Valeska19]

Glad to hear your day is starting off better.

I miss rain.

People think that they would enjoy bright and sunny 70's LA everyday.. nope. You miss things like snow, rain, thunder, lighting.

Hope you continue to have a better weekend.

[~¤DG¤~]

Valeska I don't think I could ever miss snow. I like it for Christmas and that is it. I hate driving in it also!


Spent the day at the state fair with the kids. It was extremely crowded of course but we enjoy it. I gave blood today also. So you all have to be nice to me. . At least that is what my sticker says.

I tried a deep fried Reeses Peanut Butter cup and to say it was a religious experience is an understatement. It was so good.

Now I'm home and relaxing. It was a good day.

[~¤DG¤~]

Once again- 4am and I can't sleep.

I miss him. :'(

[Julz]

Hugs. No words can replace him. What can you do for you today?

[Telemark]

Here you go, DG...one from me, too (((DG)))

I understand the missing him part. I think we miss not so much our spouses - at least, not the crazy persons they have become - but who they used to be. I woke up around 5:00 this morning, and the shape of the pillows on the bed next to me made me think she was there, so instinctively I reached over to put my arm around her. That was difficult to deal with first damn thing in the morning.

I knew if I stayed in bed I would be overwhelmed with sorrowful thoughts so I got up, made a pot of coffee and sat outside, in the dark, with The 3 Hounds. As dogs can do, they knew I was hurting and all piled around my feet.

Don't want to make this about me, but to tell you that #1) I think of you often and understand your pain (to paraphrase Bill Clinton...) and #2) these feelings will come and go. It's not so much whether we feel them - because we will - but what we do when they hit us.

Zero in on yourself and the kids; that will help soothe some of that feeling.

And your H is acting like a first class tool. You deserve better.

[~¤DG¤~]

I am frustrated because I had this big long post that I deleted by mistake and now I have to start over. Grrrrrr

Telemark-you are correct when you say my H is acting like a tool. I think that is why this is so hard sometimes. He was always the kindest, loving, and thoughtful man and his new attitude and behavior floors me.

Like you, I also have animals who can sense when I am down. One cat in particular adores me and always gazes up at me with this look of pure amazement on his face. I swear, if everyone loved me the way this cat does I'd be the luckiest woman in the world.

This whole situation has really turned in to a learning experience for me. For years I had walls built up around my heart and tried my best to block out any pain or sorrow that could come my way. I felt numb. I've since realized that while I may be blocking out the pain I was also blocking out the joy and love. I don't want to live that way anymore. Even though I am feeling broken hearted, the beauty of it all is that I am feeling. No it isn't the best feeling in the world but it does give me hope that if I am capable of feeling pain I am also capable of feeling positive feelings.

I try to find something to be grateful for every day. They may not be live changing things, but so what. It reminds me that I am here and I am alive and that no matter what, every day does possess positives that is up to me to discover.

Well, I've certainly rambled on more than intended, but it feels good.

Happy Sunday DB'ers.