My children were devastated too. You do not say how old they are, but if they are adult - 18+ try and leave them to work through their r with their father and stay out of it unless your children want to talk to you. Encourage politeness and honesty, and also gratitude for anything your h does. Do not insist on it though!
Do not get involved if your h tries to enlist you however. This is an important boundary imo
I told my kids as much about MLC as I thought they could deal with. If they want to talk to you about their father that is fine, listen, validate etc in other words DB if asked. Otherwise encourage good relations as much as you can and leave it at that.
It is very hard to see our children hurt and I was very resentful. I think it is positive that your h wants to include your son, as well as very unrealistic! They will all need to find their own way, and it has been different for each of mine.
Most MLCers find ways of upsetting their kids, sadly. It is rare ones that stay nice to their children throughout, especilly if they do not do and say what the MLCer wants.
You sound like a very focused and positive person.
