trying to see the big picture

[AloneAt35]

Tank,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are feeling so very low. You have fought the good fight. You are a decent and honorable man. You have done EVERYTHING and then some for your family. You are battling two tragedies at once (cancer and divorce).

I am praying for you Tank. And yes, STBXW is Looney Tunes. Cruelty hidden by a facade of 'concern' and feigned normalcy...

I guess I have been so touched by your situation because I had a mother who did what your wife has done. I understand it from the perspective of your kids. I could write a long letter about the drugs, her eventually having a relationship with a high-school friend of mine while still living with my father, the missed visits on holidays, the disappearing out of my life, her feelings of entitlement to still be respected as my "mom" when she had behaved atrociously...the whole humiliating works.

I wish I could have your wife learn about my life, what the outcome of being treated that way as a child was like, the wounds that will NEVER heal even though I have reconciled with my mom as an adult.

At least you are holding it together for your kids. My dad tried and couldn't. I moved in with Ex-P when I was still a kid because my mother had abandoned us. I never thought I would be abandoned again and then I was...And the pain of it happening again is too much for me this time.

All I'm saying Tank, is that you HAVE to survive this for your kids. Please, please, please don't let them end up like me. The wound your wife has inflicted on them will be there a lifetime if its not healed while they are still young. That is why they need you. If STBXW so much as causes your blood pressure to go up one point when she visits, then she needs to stay out of your freaking house. The kids may not understand why, they may say, "Why is Dad being mean?" But they will understand once they get older and they need you to be strong, and healthy, and consistent for them even if they don't realize it yet.

Hang in there Tank. Hang in there.