A few people here have said I "sound" angry. I'm not. All I feel is burned out/up, sad and very helpless/hopeless. I put things very baldly, perhaps that comes off as anger. I don't know. You see my writing through your own filters, and I appreciate your perspective.
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Good therapists and counsellors use silence. Of course you are not OK with the way things are. How could you be. Telling him might help you in the short term, but to me it smacks of emotional engagement. You only tell someone how you feel if you are emotionally involved with them. And it lets them know they are still pulling your strings.
I get your point, yet at the same time I feel I must be true to my core and assert myself. The meek may inherit the earth but only after the bold have used\abused it.
STBX uses silence as a weapon, and take it from me, it is a cruel one. Non-engagement\silence\avoidance IMHO is just a coward's way out.
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As to dating, well it is quite early days, and you have been hoping for the restoration of your marriage, so what signals have you been giving? Why were you dating? To assuage the pain, to replace your h, or because you were genuinely ready for a new relationship? We can very easily use others, as well as be used when we are vulnerable.
All I was looking for was someone to walk with and maybe go out a couple nights a month on a friendly\fun basis, nothing serious. That's why I was dating.
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As I said, you seem angry and it is important that you acknowledge this. You have done your best and it hasn't worked.
I was furious in the beginning, that's pretty much burned away to a sense of resignation and an acknowledgement that there is not a blessed thing I can do to change my situation as it stands with STBX. All I can do is take care of me and my kids with or without his help.
If he follows his father's pattern, he may get tired of paying support within the next year. He may shack up with someone younger (if he hasn't already), and start another family. STBX has at many half siblings by three/four different women.
Thanks again for your concern and care Beatrice. Thank you too Goodattitudegirl for the virtual hugs. I'm feeling pretty low right now. I will look at Antonia's thread to refresh my memory.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.