You are very angry right now, and I think you have every right to be. You are also dealing with what I see as the pain of rejection. Did you love your husband? I imagine so, and it hurts very much. The surprising thing is how long it goes on hurting.
You know your husband best, although I have just encountered a fair number of MLCers. You have no idea how much or little difference this is making to him. But it is primarily about you at this point. We have all felt that we were hanging on by our fingernails.
By 'making some move' I was referring to TG and MHLs spouses both reaching out. Your h has not done this.
Think about silence: right now whatever you say to your h will be misinterpreted if he is in MLC. Remember although you see it as lousy choices, your h feels driven and without choice. He is wrong, and nothing you can say, even goodbye and your reasons for it, will make any difference.
Good therapists and counsellors use silence. Of course you are not OK with the way things are. How could you be. Telling him might help you in the short term, but to me it smacks of emotional engagement. You only tell someone how you feel if you are emotionally involved with them. And it lets them know they are still pulling your strings.
As to dating, well it is quite early days, and you have been hoping for the restoration of your marriage, so what signals have you been giving? Why were you dating? To assuage the pain, to replace your h, or because you were genuinely ready for a new relationship? We can very easily use others, as well as be used when we are vulnerable.
Women usually take longer than men to recover from a long term relationship. A very good friend of mine met the most wonderful man when she was your age, entirely by chance, and they are incredibly happy together. He had been widowed for 4 years, and they were both ready at that point for a relationship.
As I said, you seem angry and it is important that you acknowledge this. You have done your best and it hasn't worked. It is easy to demonize your h at this point, and I am not condoning what he is doing. It stinks. But he sounds a very damaged person. maybe you are better off without him, but don't let bitterness take over. I am writing because I care about you, and I wish you were not walking this horrible path. I can only repeat, it will get better, as it has for so many other hurting people who have come to these boards.
I would suggest that you read Antonia B's latest thread, including her account of the consult with the naturopath. There is a lot of helpful wisdom there.
