Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

We all know when we have had enough. MLC takes a very long time to work through. The quick ones are rare.

Yes, and I've done my time. 26 years of giving him the best I had to give and 2 years of real work to make positive changes in myself and my life.
It made no fricking difference to him, but was well worth it for me.

You do not need to say goodbye though. Saying nothing can be more eloquent, unless the WAS makes some move towards you, as MHL and TGs wives have done.

What do you mean, makes some move toward me?
Hmm is saying nothing more eloquent? Why do you believe that's so?
From my POV it may not matter to him to say to goodbye, but I darn well know not saying anything lets STBX believe I'm ok with things as they are, and I most definitely am not ok with things as they are.

I am sorry also you will not be posting. It can be useful even if only occasionally. Our reactions continue to take us by surprise even after a number of years.

True and I did not say I will never post again. I just don't see any point in it right now, not for me. It's not helping me as much as I had hoped, and seeing so many marriages die here is painful and discouraging. The personal and little successes are wonderful to witness. Overall though.....

This path, as I see it is one you pretty much walk alone. There is no real way to ease the pain and sadness.
Your choices in the end are yours to make and you live with the results.

What I am most sad about is your conviction that he never wanted the life you shared. that is MLC bs and it isn't doing you any good to think it was never OK. It can risk cutting you off from your memories.

Beatrice, when I look back, all I see now is a man that did what he thought was "expected" of him. It wasn't what he consciously chose, he just went with the flow like a dead salmon after spawning.
Did he want what we had? At this point looking backward, I can say he probably thought he wanted that, until he didn't anymore, sometime after our first child was born, and I was too busy to notice.

I have been there, and it seems very bleak at times, but hang in there, life gets better for you, and your kids, I promise. It truly is their loss, and it is very very sad. You feel like the loser now in all of this, but actually it is him. I do not know a single person who was left who didn't make a good life for themselves. And I do not know a single person who left who did. What goes around comes around.

Yes, I agree. In my STBX's case history repeats itself. He will get exactly what he did not want. He will be left as his own father was left, in spite of the fact that he still economically involved.
The emotional devastation he's brought to our family, and his relationship with our kids is the same as it was with his own father... forever changed and not for the better.

People who leave a loving spouse and family are really struggling with their issues. You do not feel it at present, but it is your spouse who is to be pitied. I wish I could have a coffee or a glass of wine and watch a movie, and just laugh about stuff. You sound like you need a little fun.

My STBX yes is to be pitied. Mostly because he keeps slapping away true help to his situation. I have compassion for him, but no pity any longer. He can choose like any of us. He's chosen to do exactly what he's done before...distraction, addiction, and denial.

There are lots of us here post divorce, and frankly I do not feel like a loser. I really don't. Times when I did, pre- divorce, but after comes great liberation.

My kids friends' - mine are now all grown up, think my xh was a fool to leave. You can be a woman only a fool would leave, and there are fools out there. If you do not think you will ever have another romance, all I can say is do you ever read these boards? Those who are not with someone have usually chosen not to be.

Yes I could be a woman a fool would leave.
I already am, but I no longer strive to meets goals where the goalposts keep being deliberately moved farther out of reach.

As for romance. I've tried the internet dating thing, and to be brutally honest all I have found is men just as damaged as my STBX or men that were only interested in their own sexual satisfaction and who saw me as a "toy" or unpaid prostitute to be used and discarded. Fortunately that became evident really quickly in the dance.

Forget it. I'm not interested.

He is nuts right now.

He's an adult that has chosen to remain as a child. If that's crazy, it fits.


Thanks for your response Beatrice.