WAW, not sure how to proceed...Part II

[dearme]

Hey, I really appreciate the comments...especially because lately, I guess in the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling pretty...weak. Not all the time; it comes and goes. But there has been a lot of internal struggle and vacillation. I don't think I've showed any of it...or too much of it at least...on the outside, but sometimes I feel like breaking down and telling my wife that if she's not going to come to decision then she needs to just go ahead go. Ultimately, I don't think doing that would be a good idea...but I almost fantasize about it as being some kind of escape from the uncertainty of the situation. For all the detachment, GALing, 180's...for all the DBing, living this way is hard, because when it comes right down to it, my feelings for my wife are the same as they ever were--to the extent that I know I love her and want to be with her. Living with someone for whom you have those feelings, without having them returned, is a tough situation no matter how you slice it.

I've also been thinking, my wife probably has far more anger toward me than she's ever expressed...and that she might need to express it if there's any chance for us. She's never really given me both barrels, but I know there's enough to justify it. She got angry with me one time with me, when all of this stuff first went down...and I could tell at the time it had more to do with her pain than it did any actual hostility. That was before I found out about all of the things she was really struggling with, and I think about all of that bottled up emotion...with a lot of it being some pretty negative feelings toward me that she's never expressed. I don't know...I guess I'm not the person to be given her any kind of advice in that regard, but there's a part of me that believes she won't be able to move past the anger and resentment unless she's able to express it openly and honestly.