She's STILL running away!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

I'm afraid to here the answers to this....I am naive on the topic.

Is it customary for seperated people to date.....have sex with other people before a D is finalized? I know it happens...not that stupid.

Just seems to be the ultimate insult to me. I know we are splitting but still feel a commitment to fulfill the vows we took until they are officially gone. I also know that my W having sex wtih someone else would push our sitch beyond the point of reconciliation. Hope would be lost at that point. Maybe I'm just afraid of the finality of it? I plan to honor our vows until the end, is it out of line to expect the same from her?

good for you and yes it is WAY out of line for you to expect the same from her, or anything btw, AND not within your control!

No matter how many rules YOU set down for HER...she can and will do what she wants. You need to get that.

ACCEPT REALITY...

If anything, she's more likely to do it b/c you told her she can't...

RO, some of this stuff surprises me. Like you are doing what you know is the opposite of DBing...

why?

You can tell her that You will honor your vows as long as you are married and leave it at that. (And don't make that promise if you can't keep it.)

Something tells me you will want to be with someone so badly that you will break this promise--or sure want to. Since she has been lonely in the m, maybe that will assist you in understanding her past pain.

In her mind, perhaps, you broke the vow to honor and cherish her.

But that's the past. So focus on what you feel you can say or promise and keep the promise.

Or better yet, say nothing and let her wonder.

Or let her come up with your "sep guidelines" if she wants...and only if she wants to.

Can you do that? Can you surrender the illusion of control you want so much?

that'd be a true 180