I am working on a new life. I'm looking at houses and just got a lead for a new job. I spend time with friends when possible and take care of my health and my girls. I am trying to be at least friends with my exh though I also don't know how realistic that is either. He had faults, like never talking to me about anthing,but until he said he wanted out I thought we had an okay marriage. Boring but that I thought was normal after 20 years together. He never said he was unhappy. I complained a lot however and he got the brunt of it. I just wish he had said something so maybe I would have taken a look at myself and changed things earlier. Now I realize the only person who can make me happy is me. I remind myself of that regularly. I guess I should just put it in God's hand. If I'm meant to be with someone else that will happen. If I'm not meant to be with someone at all that is what will be. I don't want to trick him into coming back though. If it were to happen I would want it to be because any changes I decide to make made me an attractive person to him again. At the same time I need to decide what I want in myself and any possible future relationship with anyone else. I don't want to be waiting for him but I don't necessarily want to close that as a door of possibilities. I was just wondering if I should in order to be able to move on in my life. I felt like I would be completely done with him once the D was final but I guess I still love the man and at some level always will.
