Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

Read about Truegritter's latest actions and decision and had tears running down my face the whole time.

Regrettably, I believe I am at that fork in the road too.
I am weighing and measuring and writing script in my head, here, and on paper about what I will say and how I will say goodbye to my STBX. I haven't yet made a decision on when this will happen, but I'm feeling an internal drive for it to be soon.

I failed at busting my divorce. Simple as that.

I am now convinced any and all the changes I could have made and did make in myself would not have changed this outcome.

In my perception, he didn't want me, he doesn't want me or the life we shared.
His apathy and inaction is not in any way a reflection of indecision in my perspective. It's just his pattern, to wait for someone else to take the initiative and do the heavy lifting.

He has no appreciation for me as a person or for who I really am, he can't see beyond the past or the behaviors I once exhibited/owned and have changed.

He doesn't love our kids or himself enough to do the work necessary ti be a family. Our kids are not worth the energy, I am not worth the energy, and he appears to feel he isn't worth the energy either.

He's not coming back, and I have to move on without a partner, companion and lover in my life.
I'm almost 50 and I'm alone with two kids to raise to adulthood. That's the reality.
I now have to provide for them and myself and figure out a way to do that on the assumption the STBX is as good as dead to me for all intents and purposes.

I think it's time to say fini. It may take weeks or even a few months.

I'm tired. I'm tired of caring for someone that can't and won't choose to care in return. I'm tired of being tired, watching and waiting. Now I believe I need to walk away.

I don't think I'll be posting here much anymore, it seems pointless and unproductive.