There's only a little part of me that wishes H were around to comfort me - mostly the thought of him touching me turns my stomach. I more wish we were in a place where he could comfort me, even as a friend.
May I be so bold as to presume what you mean by this ^^^^ is:
"I wish that I had a companion, a really good friend, who was familiar with me and was able to be available with me, who could just hold me during these times, when the world feels like a scary place..."
Maybe one day that could be your H again... but anyone can fill the role of comforter and companion... when we don't have a spouse who will be there to fill those needs...
It's more about who you are willing to let in... whether you are willing to let someone in... to help soothe you... and you soothe them... in mutual respect and care...
