De, it sounds like your H is projecting... It's their "dirt list" of you, which is often their own issues:
+ I don't trust you + You are never there for me + You aren't meeting my needs + You don't respect me + You are too controlling
etc, etc...
Certainly, if some of those things "sting", we might want to work on those. Everyone can get value at getting better at those types of things...
Yet just as often, these complaints are what they know they've fallen short of, or how they feel about themselves...
+ I don't trust myself + I'm never around and won't let you close + I'm getting my needs met elsewhere + I don't respect myself + I'm trying to hide my shame and guilt by running and you won't leave me alone
Unfortunately, until your H is ready and willing to look inside, he will continue to project.
It is going to be your CHANGES and your DETACHMENT and your GALing that might catch him looking back over his shoulder, stopping in his tracks, and wondering why you aren't chasing him anymore... when he MIGHT look inside himself and come to terms with how he has been in the M, and fix his own stuff...
But... he may or may not do that... so you DB for you... regardless of your H or whether he figures himself out and stay in the M...
