Got an apology from XH. Need advice now.

[AntoniaB]

"Fear of the pain was becoming greater than working through the pain itself."

This really hits me, because it's so true for me....I had such anxieties for years about all kinds of issues other than my marriage, and this anxiety started to define me. It was only for having gone through this that I learned how to face my anxiety and all but banish it.

I agree so much with your last paragraph too about maturity and the line between that codependency and just being there to care for someone without losing yourself in the care. Tough line to walk but anyone who has been through what we have emerges as much more able to find that line than we ever would have before.