I should change my signature... He doesn't live here anymore. He stayed with me tonight after I came home from work and we watched a movie and an episode of Smallville. Midnight rolled around and I started getting ready for bed.
I did much better than last night. I was upbeat and friendly and applied no pressure to him. He was more loose and friendly with me as well. We even sat next to each other with our legs touching. He also had the computer off and wasn't texting K the whole time.. now that was unusual. He did text someone briefly on his phone. Might have been K.. might not have been.
As soon as I pulled out the bed he started putting shoes on. I almost ruined everything when my sadness popped out and I said "Do you have to go? You can stay here you know?" And regretted saying it immediately. His carefree, easy, friendly demeanor disappered and he stopped looking me in the eye.
However, I let the question stand. He answered "I can't stay with you. Not yet."
I did some major backpedaling. Nodded. Thanked him for his honesty and told him I accept that decision. We hugged and I wished him a good night. He packed up some clothes and some movies and he was gone.
Well.... I think it's getting easier... altho' this just might be the calm part of the rollarcoaster. I hope I continue to do better in the days to come.
Lucky, I think you made some steps in the right direction. Keep moving in that direction. You did pursue when he put his shoes on, but I think you knew you did. I think you wisely backed off.
Feeling melancholy today. A lingering sense of sadness that I can feel in my heart and my throat but not powerful enough to bring me to my knees.
It's Friday.. he's "on call" for the weekend at his place of work, which means he stays there until Sunday 5pm. So the option/fear of seeing him this evening is removed. It's my Friday where it's just me and the kids from sun up to sun down.
Saw his FB Status Update was: "There are good choice and bad choices - whatever they are, they are mine." I'm not going to read anything into it... it could mean anything. Altho' my broken, pessimistic heart is trying to lead me to believe that he's made "a decision". But I'm trying not to think about it too much.
I have a lot of errands to run in the city - a lot. That's good. If everything works out, time wise - I'd like to take the kids to another movie at the cheap theater.. either Cars 2 or Kung Fu Panda 2.
The removal of my H's love has left a big hole in me. I'm to the point now where I'm trying to fill it up with other things. My kids.. my art... and my GALing.
I always hated hearing it, but I'll pass along this truth - it DOES get better with time.
Focus on what you're going to do to GAL. Hopefully that will help to bring you up.
I think you're heading in the right direction. You're looking to your kids, art, and GALing to fill the void left behind.
I would suggest that you avoid looking at your H's FB page right now. I think at this point, it's only going to hurt. I've seen too many people around here get hurt by looking at the wayward spouse's FB page. Just my 2 cents.
Lucky, Just got caught up on your thread. So sorry sweetie. How painful and how strong you are for enduring what H is doing.
I completely agree with JB. My w and I still are married via FB. I block her feed and refuse to look at her page. Last time we spoke, I new she looked at mine. It's her way of staying connected to my life.
Also in regards to the stomach problems. I struggled with that too for months. I almost went to the doctor's about it. Funny thing though - I went home to visit family for 2 wks and after day 3, it was gone. Any way you can take you kids and get away for a few days? Visit family?
Not suggesting running at all, but sometimes it helps to just get away from sitch. My 2 wks home were priceless. I had such clarity, such peace. It was great.
Keep posting, We are here for you!
(( ))
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Thanks guys. I adore your posts so much, it's nice to see your input in my situation.
The kids and I were out running errands from 11am to 6pm, with a stop to watch Cars 2 in "the big theater". I tried to convince a couple people to join me but they couldn't go so I ended up just spending the day with the kids. At one point there were two different (public) tantrums (the kids, not me.. ) but nothing I can't handle.
I got lost at one point and phoned H for directions, which he gave me. However... he was reeeeaaaalllly moody and curt over the phone. I finished up as quickly as I could, thanked him and got off quickly. No danger of poking him or pursuing there. :S Made me glad that my last week of nights have been H-less... as someone posted around here once... I still want my M.. but it is a nice break having the WAS gone from the house and getting rid of some of that tension is gone.
A few hours later, we did some brief texting about the school supplies I bought for the kids today. He ended it with "I hope today was good for you, you deserve it."
Up and down, back and forth. :S Oh well... I'm still glad I'm sleeping alone tonight.
My S5 had a tantrum on the drive home in the backseat. I told him that if he and his sister got in a fight (if I heard any pushing or screaming) I was not going to get them the donut I promised. They got three chances and blew all of them with shoving and fighting. So I pulled back the offer of my donut. S5 screamed and wailed and forgot all the fun things we had just done together not a few hours ago declaring "You're the meanest Mom in the world!!!"
It made me thing of the childlike forgetfulness of a WAS.... the blotting out of all the love and all the good as their disappointment of their current situation encompasses all. Of course, I'm sure I'm guilty of this quite often myself... but my H seems to be living in as opposed to moving through it.
My parents made me an offer I couldn't refused and ponied up the money to enroll my S in preschool gymnastics. One of the tasks today was to go there, pay the fee and register him. I'm so excited to start taking him to weekly gymnastic practices. I'm sure he'll love it!
I invited a friend over for a movie tonight but they haven't gotten back to me yet. Might hang out with someone tonight.. might not.
Duly noted about the FB advice, thanks guys.
And yes, the kids and I are going out to the family farm this Sunday and Monday. Lately, I've been looking forward to these getaways so much more.
My H defriended me from FB the day I found out re the OW. However the OW didn't defriend me. In my case I am pretty sure the OW has to an extent manipulated my H (of course he has a part to play in it as well) and we posting things about their wonderful weekends together etc I couldn't bring myself to defriend her, eventually she defriended me but (after I think my H found out we were still friends). It's hard but I'm glad they are gone - although once a month I do ask my sister to check his FB page (she's still a friend) to see what he's been up to and most importantly to see if they are still "in a relationship". The FB friend with the OW felt like my last link to my H and was hard to let go of.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
I agree, Julz... that FB connection... it's like a fading link and it's hard to let go of.
Friend came over for a movie... we watched and he went home. (Old high school friend... don't worry.. no danger of rebounds here... not interested.)
I feel good about my day but I still can't shake the melancholy. And to an extent... some disbelief. I can't believe I'm going through this again. I can't believe that I'm here right now... when I think back to all we've said and done... what a great relationship we had...
Then I step back and remind myself to be happy and grateful for every single moment of love I've ever experienced with H. I don't care where this leads... I'm so lucky to have had... what I had.
Push and pull within myself again....
Phoned IC today... I'm still on the waiting list for a couseller so it's going to be about a month before they can fit me in. It's okay... I can wait. I'm good at waiting.
I just hate feeling this way.
I miss him. I miss his smell, his passion, the feel of his hand in mine, his hugs. And then I remember watching Cars 2 today in the theater with my children. H doesn't want to cuddle me. H doesn't want to hold my hand.
In that dark theater, D sat on my lap. She leaned into me. D wants to cuddle me. S held onto my arm with one hand and my hand with his other. S wants to hold my hand.
I am still loved. I am still needed. I am still wanted. I miss what I still have. Isn't it funny?
It's time for bed. I'm feeling weary, sad... and a little loopy. I'll be back on the boards tomorrow.
I miss him. I miss his smell, his passion, the feel of his hand in mine, his hugs.
God I miss the smell of my husband. So sad that I didn't keep one of his shirts or something. I used to snuggle into his back in bed and just smell him - he thought I was weird but I love to just cuddle and smell him.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Why mourn for someone that can't/doesn't want to be with you?
Being loving and co-dependent at this point is not going to work.
Think back to when you first met, what was it that drew you together? What made him attracted? What changed after the relationship? What changed after Marriage?
Go back to that original you, but here is the twist....BE DIFFERENT. Do what you wanted to do, express yourself, be YOU. Go back in time and try to accept that old you, but make it even better. F him right now. You will get NO WHERE feeling the loss.
) but nothing I can't handle.