I agree, Julz... that FB connection... it's like a fading link and it's hard to let go of.
Friend came over for a movie... we watched and he went home. (Old high school friend... don't worry.. no danger of rebounds here... not interested.)
I feel good about my day but I still can't shake the melancholy. And to an extent... some disbelief. I can't believe I'm going through this again. I can't believe that I'm here right now... when I think back to all we've said and done... what a great relationship we had...
Then I step back and remind myself to be happy and grateful for every single moment of love I've ever experienced with H. I don't care where this leads... I'm so lucky to have had... what I had.
Push and pull within myself again....
Phoned IC today... I'm still on the waiting list for a couseller so it's going to be about a month before they can fit me in. It's okay... I can wait. I'm good at waiting.
I just hate feeling this way.
I miss him. I miss his smell, his passion, the feel of his hand in mine, his hugs. And then I remember watching Cars 2 today in the theater with my children. H doesn't want to cuddle me. H doesn't want to hold my hand.
In that dark theater, D sat on my lap. She leaned into me. D wants to cuddle me. S held onto my arm with one hand and my hand with his other. S wants to hold my hand.
I am still loved. I am still needed. I am still wanted. I miss what I still have. Isn't it funny?
It's time for bed. I'm feeling weary, sad... and a little loopy. I'll be back on the boards tomorrow.
