Glad to know you're checking up on me, Made. As a matter of fact, something happened tonight. Was it good? Bad? Hard to say, really. It still makes me realize that I'm on one psychotic rollercoaster.
I was in the middle of doing something tonight around 9:30 (it's pretty much past midnight her time) when I heard the phone ring. I just knew that it was going to be my W, and sure enough, it was. I tried picking it up after just two rings, but she must have hung up right at that point. I decided to let her get in contact with me rather than calling her to ask what was up. She's done this a lot lately: calling me and then not leaving a voicemail or texting about what she wants. Personally, I see it as a tactic to try and pull me into conversation. I've been making a habit not to take the bait.
Before I even have a chance to walk away, she immediately texts me this time. "I'm sorry to bother you right now, I know you need your space, but I really need you right now. Please call me," it read. So I called. What the hell. Sounds like something's going on, I figured, might as well see what's going on.
When I called, she was crying. Basically, she launched into an immediate tirade against OM and a lamentation over what we used to have. A lot of things were discussed, but I'll try and boil it down to the basics:
--According to her, OM is letting his "true colors show" (as I figured would happen pretty soon after living with each other day-in and day-out). About a month-and-a-half after OM became the person that she was going to marry and have children with, he is now a "terrible person" who does not care at all about her, contrary to all his proclamations of love. His myriad of previous relationships (he slept with 8 women before my W) is no longer seen as a sign of life experience; now they're just a marker of how bad he is at making an R stick. He yells at her, blames her for everything, makes her feel like a bad person, admits that he lies to her to avoid her reaction, and throws the past in her face as a way of arguing. He also "sometimes" does not wash his hands after he goes #2, the thought of which somehow matches what I feel to be the content of his character (my own unspoken observation). She says that she wishes OM was gone right now but doesn't know how to fix any of this. She also admitted that she wished she had never started working at the factory where OM worked, as none of this would have happened.
--My W sort-of-kind-of apologized for leaving me for OM. It was not quite as cut-and-dried as "I'm sorry I had an affair on you," (she said instead "I'm sorry about what happened between us") but there was much more admission than I've gotten in the last couple of months. Basically, she said that I was nice to her (as opposed to OM); that we had a lot of really great things about us that outweighed the bad; that a lot of our problems were, she felt in hindsight, actually "fixable"; and that she felt as though she made "a very poor decision."
My W admitted that she was feeling depressed and felt like she wanted to commit suicide, yet OM does not seem to understand or care about these feelings. (Depression and thoughts of suicide have been very common for my W in the past, especially during times of great emotional turmoil.) I reassured her that there were people in her life who cared very much about her and didn't want that to happen. I also told her that no matter what happened over there that I was here for her. She admitted that she called me because she wanted to talk to someone who she knew "would listen to her." That's what a lot of this conversation was: me listening and validating. Very little of me talking at all, come to think about it.
After we got over the big emotional break-down, we talked for a little bit about what's been going on in my life. Strange, I thought -- here she was going on about how much she missed a lot of good things about our R and hated OM but inquired as to whether I'd gotten the S paperwork and asked me if I had any dating prospects. Nutty WAS, man! What's going through her head is beyond me! Anyway, as soon as her tone shifted from "I need you right now" to "So, anyway, how's things been?" I said that it was late and that I needed to go.
Wild, man. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I know I'm going to spend tomorrow with this one on the backburner of my mind.
