Do I stay or do I go?

[anyhope]

Just dropping in for an update. I decided not to bust anything any longer. I felt it was useless. My husband is clearly having a relationship with someone else. Regardless of how he says it's meaningless. Regardless of who she is. Regardless of all. Im tired of people talking about us, tired of thinking about what he might be thinking. I just really let go, I mean 90% let go.

I'm actively looking for a place to live which is hard considering my budget and the fact I have a dog, but I will find something and will be moving ASAP. He doesn't seem at all concerned, so if I'm so easy to let go then it's really over I guess.

I did give in to temptation and snooped on his laptop yesterday. Ow left for a month and they keep in touch through Facebook and text. Well let me tell you.. I first read their posts to each other, full of I love yous and things so beautiful he has never said to me. And by never I don't mean not for a while, I mean never. Maybe it really was all misunderstood and we never had those deep feelings for each other. Breaks my heart to see the attention I've been craving for so long given to someone else so easily.

I also read some messages between him and his ex. As they keep in touch online (I'm fine with that) I know he's honest with her. She had asked who ow was and if he's cheating on me. He told her he was not cheating, that the love betwwe us is non existent and he wants to be happy, wants a new life and this girl (ow) is someone he's happy with and who helps him get over me easier.
He also mentioned the word fling, but.. Whatever.

Time to move on to something better. I'm not a difficult person to figure out, I have so much love to give and crave to be loved by another. As the song states I will survive. I'm much stronger than I was at the beginning or a month ago even.. I think it's because I gave up. I still get tears in my eyes when certain songs come on the radio. I have been in this relationship since I was 19 (or was it 18?) and it's weird to be single, but it is what it is.

I will drop by again when I've moved im sure as I know attcually leaving will be very hard on me, but the question is answered at this point. I will go.