I sent H a text letting him know what OWS had said to my S and that he wasn't the man I thought he was. I told him to come get the rest of his things and to send me what I need to sign in the mail.
His response: Ok first of all I don't sleep in the same bed nor do I sleep in the same room. And OWS wouldn't know that at all because I barely see the kid. And I just went rounds with this kid because he said such nonsense. And now my quiet existence is fricken shattered again. Oh and bye the way OWS said he told S that because he wanted to make it seem like he was cool and he thought S would like him more. And I basically yelled at the kid and told him that his lying has caused jason to be extremely hurt. But why was S even asking about me to begin with. And asking those kind of questions. He would never care normally where I was sleeping. So did you ask him to ask that or what?
For the record, I did NOT ask him to ask anything. I wouldn't do such a thing, but that doesn't matter. I told my S tonight that I know that he and OWS want to remain friends and that is fine, but they are going to have to find other things to talk about. I don't know what to think, if I should believe him or not. I guess what does it even matter at this point.
So why is it I feel like I just effed up big time?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
this is a snip it from something i found about what a healthy relationship should contain.
Honesty & Trust -Giving real compliments -Discussing problems -Using “I” messages to share feelings -Asking for what we want, not expecting they owe it to us -Admitting mistakes -Asking (not accusing) each other about rumors
i think the last one here falls into what went wrong. i do this to with OM/baby daddy. i assume and accuse.
So why is it I feel like I just effed up big time?
You did not eff up! You had an emotional response during a time of stress. It is very human to do so. I suspect you feel as though you effed up b/c of all the drama and what you knew, but didn’t want has been suddenly made very real. Again it is very human to do so. Please process it to negate some of the emotions. You need to feel them, but you don’t need them to control how you respond.
Please do not sign anything until you’ve carefully reviewed it and understand the entire ramifications of agreeing. Please retain a L to represent your interests and advise you. Until my drama I had a somewhat distorted view of Ls (Sorry Denver, and 25). My L has kept me from making several costly mistakes. D is not a friendly, don’t worry, I’ll watch your back action.
There is so much wrong with the way he handled this I don’t know where to begin, and my rant would probably violate the TOS. Just reading this makes me angry. I can only imagine yours. I commend your composure. Try and remain calm for you and your children’s sake.
CS and JB are right, your children will remember how you composed yourself and got on with living.
He got outed and he takes out his guilt on a child? WTF?
I know you loved the man he was.
I am wondering what the OW loves. I am wondering what he loves about himself.
WTH, is the dynamic with the OW. If I was seeing the most devastatingly attractive to me women and she began going “rounds” with one of my kids over her guilt she’d find the door very fast.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
You didn't F up. The main thing is that you notice how he shifted the conversation to it being YOUR fault? What an @$$. A real man doesn't resort to blaming his spouse for his insecurities. He's scared, he feels guilty, but rather than assuming responsibility, he says it's your fault.
I suggest you have no further contact with him. In fact, get counseling for your son ASAP. He's in a tough situation and probably feels torn over what's happening. Concentrate on him.
Your H will lash out again saying that you're trying to brainwash your son, but don't you believe it. Get a L and figure out what your rights are. You don't have to do what he wants to do. Remember, he can't control what you do any more than you can control him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
