I almost spit my coffee out when I read that. Literally. Thanks. I needed a good laugh.
And THAT made me laugh! So back atcha I'm hoping no one was hurt! I'm glad it made you laugh.
Originally Posted By: Endeavour
A part of me doesn't take the bombs seriously anymore but I think my distress is coming from the fact that I'm questioning whether I will ever trust him again. It feels like the long slow death of our M and I think that's what I'm reacting to.
Our M hasn't been healthy for about a year or so and neither of us did anything to make it better, so I take responsibility for that, but I've lived with a lot of fear. Fear of D, fear of hurting the kids. Fear of the future.
As for his way of using the bombs to talk, perhaps. He's more open during his bomb drops, and after as well for some unknown reason, but then he withdraws again. And we repeat the cycle.
He's been repeating this cycle for 20 years whenever we go through a trouble spot. I'm not sure he can stop it. But then when I'm feeling very low, I blame myself. As in perhaps, I am the wrong person for him and if he was with the right woman, he would be normal. And I'm just the wrong woman and I do this to men.
I think the bottom line, and at the risk of throwing around the common buzzwords from around here, is you need to detach from his emotions and GAL. Get off his emotional roller coaster. It sounds to me like it's killing you. Be careful (and I'm probably preaching to the choir), because this anxiety can cause other issues (e.g. I have a Cardiologist now). Speaking for myself, GAL'ing's been the key to detaching. I feel like I'm finding myself, finding who I really am. I am making my life better than my W's. As a result, my anxiety level's dropped to level even below that of before bomb #2. Not that doesn't rise and fall.
It's good that you own your part in your marriage being unhealthy. We all have to do that. However, it sounds to me like your M has unhealthy for longer than just the last year. I think you're going to be as good as the lowest common denominator. It seems like your H has been unhappy for some time.
Originally Posted By: Endeavour
Well, he texted me last night (he's still texting me while we're both in the same house) to let me know that he bought the ebook. I ordered it for him off Amazon but it hasn't arrived yet so he's obviously very eager to read it. But I'm not even going to speculate (or consider it a positive) at this point because I have very little faith left. Sadly.
Well, at least try to take some small nuggets of positive out of it. You might as well - it's better than the alternative. That doesn't mean you have to build up a bunch of false hope.
Originally Posted By: Endeavour
Yes, you are right. I think it's time for me to let go. Part of me feels guilty because the friend that is asking is 28 years old and I feel like I should be an example for her. She pursued the friendship with me and I have no idea why on earth she wanted to be friends with a 40 year old woman. Although, I know she looks up to me for a variety of reasons, and I feel like I shouldn't burden her. I'm not sure I'm even making sense but obviously I feel a sense of shame about all of this...
Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect. What you're doing by searching for the way to save your M is very commendable. It can be very inspiring to someone else. When you open up, I think others can see this as a sign of strength. Plus - what you have going on and how you're responding, may speak to her.
There seems to be a fine line between a MLC and a WAS. The approaches in DR are very similar. You detach, work on yourself, and GAL.
Well, that's my crack advice for the day You can use all or none of it.
So back atcha 
I'm hoping no one was hurt! I'm glad it made you laugh.
You might as well - it's better than the alternative. That doesn't mean you have to build up a bunch of false hope.
You can use all or none of it. 
