Of Men or of Angels

[ericmsant2]

Grit,

I started off this post with a simple answer but as usual I ended up with more thoughts, which I wanted to share with you.

First, I agree with many here that I will support you whichever way you decide to go. You have been an inspiration to me! That said….

I guess RIGHT NOW……is what I would call…”where the rubber meets the road”. The man you ARE vs the Man YOU want to be….are they one and the same? Maybe the answer to that question is really the answer you are looking for. If you are struggling with it join the crowd.

I have no doubt that you are not the same man you once were (are any of us after all of this?) However, does she know that? Is she even capable of knowing it right now? Consider this…in her crisis, she may have the felt the same towards you that you feel towards her right now. Could Grit change? Could it be that he really has?

Fear (damn I hate that fuc*er!)….can be so subtle, it can be disguised so many ways. IMHO, you are both afraid, understandable. Yet…who has looked inside and faced it for so long? Who has the tools set to do it NOW? Who can be the leader? Who can take the damn risk? I don’t think it is her – YET. YET….guess who sets that damn timeline? Psst…hint it isn’t her.

I feel like placing this thing right at her feet and saying

Why? Just so that she can “own it”. Seriously…is it better to be right or be happy? Would you rather that she own it and divorce your butt cause you could not wait…but deep inside you really did or would you prefer to take a step back for a sec and see what happens? Consider her view point for a sec…(and yes she may be damaged…but consider it anyway)….Maybe a little bit of time would help both of you. I am not saying time apart…time to get to just find out who each of you really are. Away from the anger, away from the OP. I am not suggesting jumping right in dude, I am suggesting stop looking to get a direct answer and maybe change your conversations to something a bit more pleasant. Hey, I just realized I said the same thing as ML….

You put the question of divorce on the back burner or completely off the stove and take a risk of personal pain and re-engage her.

RISK….that is the word…is it RISK though or it is really fear. IMO, in any R you bear risk…the risk of a failure…so the fear of getting burned it probably driving your choice and that fear buddy is a beoch! I stood in a home for a long time because it.

Lose the fear…work really hard to lose it.

Personally, I think YOU of all people are equipped enough to take the risk – then again if you are not, maybe you need to ask yourself why.

A few other observations….

And make the decision based on your own reasons. You don't get to read my mind. My actions should tell you where I am.

Why do you think that RIGHT now she can understand this?

...to let myself enter into a relationship that is dysfunctional in the sense that I am the fixer, the rescuer, the one always giving more that 50% to the effort.

IF she came to you tomorrow and said…”I am broken and I need your help to guide me towards FIXING MYSELF, not that I want YOU to FIX me but help me FIX MYSELF”….would you give more than 50%?

I know she won't ask for the chance because of the damage she has felt she has done.

Do you think YOUR actions…YOUR continue request that she own it…contribute to a positive outcome or a negative outcome? Your use of “I know”; although understandable is probably not correct….those words have come back to haunt me many times…”I know”…Do we ever really “know” for sure?

For me? If she does believe and begin to trust herself again.

Maybe I could too?

Yes you could…..if you can look past the pain, look past the hurt, look past the OM, look past your own fear..and if you can realize a few other things….

Love….

IMO, you can love someone and NOT want to be with them. It really is okay.

You can love someone that DOES NOT love you back. That is okay too.

But what is love to YOU Grit? You spent more time than I have “standing”…I do not know you as well as many others that post here ..but what I do see and have always see is a man that really loves his wife (damaged and all)…a man that DB’d his as* off. A man that found himself. A man that came to understand so much about live, about R’s… So....

What Grit…would that man do – if he was not afraid?

F*ck what I or anyone else says….Do for YOU Grit! For YOU!

I am in a detached place and spending time with her or talking to her will give ground to that well fought for place of peace.

Who controls your peace man? You or her? These are your choices – not hers…not yet….

Grit….are you really ready to let it go?

Ready to let her go?

I hope this did not add to your confusion and I want the best for YOU…

Go read some of your old post buddy….

Remember just how much YOU loved her…and how hard you worked on YOURSELF and then…..

Go be the man I know you are – That guy, will make the right choice. I know he will...if the rubber did meet the road!

You know how to reach me.

God Bless,
Eric