i dont comment too much, still dont feel solid enough in my advice, but i seem to be better at giving it than following it...
i always, always end up talking about the R with my wife, it was daily. i got it under control for 5 days straight one week... then big back slide on day 6. my wife asked me what happened?! i was doing so good! but now she felt it was even worse than before! and i had a calendar that i was keeping track of days that i brought up relationship, and the 'worse' she was seeing? was 3 out of 10 days i brought up R talk since the day i backslide pretty hard after the 5 days.
point being, the changes DO get noticed, the backslides even more, i am still struggling with not wanting to ask her about R, or OM, cause i know if i do it will just push her further away.
2 other things that stood out, i agree with you... why cant they see that we want to change and work with us and support us... so frustrating. but if you look at from their point, they might think they did try, or even are trying right now. one of the hard things is seeing results from you work, and being open to them being ANY result, and not disappointed cause it wasnt the result you were hoping for.
and the second thing, i dont text her first now. and all she texts me with is money, or kids. it [censored], but you dont want to pursue him, you have to wait and be loving and supportive when he does. so that he wants to text you more! and it might take a while, cause what he is used to now is texting you and getting R talk back, or things that make he feel guilty about what he is doing. sounds great to make him feel guilty... but all it means is he wont text you as much to avoid the guilt.
