Of Men or of Angels

[dl443322]

True, there are moments in our lives when things become so clear. When you know without a single doubt what you should do and no one and nothing can change your mind.

Those moments are rare, I think, but so powerful and they are a gift.

Whichever way this plays out, I wish for you one of those moments, my friend.

[Truegritter]

Those moments are rare, I think, but so powerful and they are a gift.

Yes I believe in those.

I think I am heading for one.

Each moment I ask and pray for clarity.

Another clear moment of truth came to me this morning.

To love someone is tremendous responsibility.

It is an obligation to be responsible to the person you love.

When I first got here, and still to some degree today, I tend to look at it as my responsibility and it is.

For my own choices.

It is HERS for HERS.

She has not chosen to be responsible in her choices for me, her love for me, or our M.

It is a GREAT responsibility.

And you either can do it and believe you can with all your heart and without any doubt that you will commit yourself to it.

Or you can't.

If you can't then at least be responsible enough to know that and don't pretend you will.

That is the clarity I will need to see from her.

BUT

I am not waiting or counting on it.

[MHL]

So the question becomes is it safe?

Agreed about a question for her however I don't think she will ever answer that question until one of two things happens.

a. YOU DIVORCE HER and then she fully becomes the victim, and maybe sometime down the line when her life is still sh!tty she will have to REALLY look at herself with her eyes and not through yours or anyone elses.

OR

b. You put the question of divorce on the back burner or completely off the stove and take a risk of personal pain and re-engage her.

Can you not engage her like you have recently with you XW??

If the answer is no because it might cause you pain........I understand.......

I myself am having to get over the automatic reaction of "don't touch the stove stupid, it is hot and you will get burned"

For me? If she does believe and begin to trust herself again.

Maybe I could too?

Do you have begin to trust her in order to begin to try???

and by the word "try", I mean just do something with her without any goal........no expectations.......no nothing.

So, you don't trust her because she does not trust herself.....

Hmmmmm, lots of pressure there in order to do something different.

Something different.......how about you and that dog of yours just go down and have lunch with her and walk on the beach.

better yet........how about ask her up, (not to spend the night) to watch a little college ball, visit with you and the dog and have some of those world famous "Gritter Ribs" ????????

I don't know......can you do that????

~C

BTW, if she can't make it for "Gitter Ribs" and college ball.........I might be able to.

[MHL]

That is the clarity I will need to see from her.

......in order to do what???

Is it me or is it time to go back to basics of DBing......

baby steps ??????

Why not stick your toe in the water a little?????

If the water is too hot.......you will survive.

Just an thought.

[Truegritter]

......in order to do what???

Dip my toe in the water...

I am in a detached place and spending time with her or talking to her will give ground to that well fought for place of peace.

She is still walking her journey.

My question to her (which I have not received a response to)should reveal a lot.

Or not.

What's the rush? I didn't rspond with emotion. The emotion I felt on Monday.

But don't forget my reason for contacting her was because I asked her to help me get our D done.

So

In my mind this is a crossroad for me. A decision to be made.

[~ kd ~]

A person who wants something does something to get it...

Do you want the D? Then do it, why do you need her help?

If you are asking your W for help... are you not simply testing the water, to see that she wants it, too?

I'll submit you don't want the D... (UNLESS...) sounds like you aren't ready yet...

So... you're checking her temp...

???

[dl443322]

Hiya MHL!

True, just thinking out loud here. Bare with me a sec.

I get your fear of losing your hard fought place of peace. I do.

Just a couple of things. You are a different person now than you were while getting to that place. New skills, new mindset.

So, it does not have to be an all or nothing kind of thing, right?. Like, if I spend time with her I will be back at that bad place because you know so much more about the peace place.

And if you do nothing and she doesnt, at this point, will you be satisfied and have not regrets.? Cuz I'm thinking that you need some real definitive answers because of who you are and so that peace you are protecting so much might have a kink in it when all is said and done.

I am not saying to push his with her. Not at all. I am asking, I guess, what you could live with if nothing happens as a result of that email?

Stil sticking with taking this very slowly, from a place osf strength and being totally true to yourself.

The other thing I'm thinking (yea, yea, I'm a girl what of it?) is that if she isnt done yet, she isn going to have the tools she needs to answer that email honestly because she is scared, also.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to get my thoughts to pape and to tell you you're ok in my book, True.

[dl443322]

Geez, sorry for the freakin' typos - my hands aint working so well today.

[Mach1]

You are a different person now than you were while getting to that place. New skills, new mindset.

So, it does not have to be an all or nothing kind of thing, right?. Like, if I spend time with her I will be back at that bad place because you know so much more about the peace place.

And if you do nothing and she doesnt, at this point, will you be satisfied and have not regrets.? Cuz I'm thinking that you need some real definitive answers because of who you are and so that peace you are protecting so much might have a kink in it when all is said and done.

I am not saying to push his with her. Not at all. I am asking, I guess, what you could live with if nothing happens as a result of that email?

Stil sticking with taking this very slowly, from a place osf strength and being totally true to yourself.

The other thing I'm thinking (yea, yea, I'm a girl what of it?) is that if she isnt done yet, she isn going to have the tools she needs to answer that email honestly because she is scared, also.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to get my thoughts to pape and to tell you you're ok in my book, True.

Well said Brook.....

And don't worry about the typos......

We are used to reading the Gortons fish guy ......

[dl443322]

Thanks Mach.

Please tell me you are not referring to my Fish? Cuz you and I are about do for tussle about him, arent we? LOL!