OnMyWay: to the next phase.

[OnMyWay]

"Don't eff crazy" accurately describes both these women, and I don't have time for either of them. eff 'em both.

As for my W, for someone who wants to come back, she's made it pretty impossible for me to accept her. She is constantly aggressive and sometimes even nasty, which I find down right unattractive. During some of our discussions, I'd stated there can be no coming home of any sort without us getting counseling first. She said she would discuss with her IC, whom she now feels has had intentions of getting us back together all along - almost real conspiracy type stuff, eh? Any way, I've heard nothing back on any of that. She's just back to being nasty again. Here's my latest example:

We have a 529 college savings account for our D. It is in my W's name, for some reason, although I'm listed as a guest on the account. My parents have put 10's of thousands of dollars in there. My father is concerned that my crazy W will steal the money for her partying lifestyle - she is fond of telling everyone how she now has $20,000 worth of student loans in her name since leaving me; my parents have a right to be concerned as do I for tax liability should she cash out. At my father's request months ago, I had secured the web access and changed the address to my folks home and mentioned all that to her. Her selective memory lapsed and she just recently "discovered" that she didn't have direct access. She flipped out on me and accused me of all sorts of bad things, even though she had mistakenly hacked my own personal accounts trying to "fix it," which apparently doesn't matter at all - the double standards she judges me by still amaze me.

I've decided to step out of the argument. The money is my fathers and the account is hers, so let those chips between the two of them fall where they may, should she make bad decisions. She'll have deal with my Dad on that one, and he won't be very pleasant. She had stated that she wanted to be around for our family time during Thanksgiving this year, which make me uneasy. My folks didn't come last year because of our sitch. I haven't seen my parents in two years now and know they don't want to be around to be stuck in our problems. Now that there's a money issue on the table and her integrity is questionable, I'm pretty sure she won't be very welcome. I just don't want to jeopardize my time with M&D and my D. W is afraid of being alone on a holiday - my thinking is that this is what separation is all about, so deal with it.

Ah, the joys of the non-married! She is in a full-on "cake-eating" mode. Still takes no responsibility for and owns nothing of what she's done here. More and more all my fault, it seems - like I forced her to cheat on me and move out. Well, again that's her problem.

I guess the lesson I've learned here is, while the result of reconciliation was desirable, it seems less and less possible. Next time, I'll just stay dark and keep doing my thing.

On the positive side, I have access to and positive responses from more women than I could've ever imagined. The idea of losing my W no longer seems like such a bad thing after all. It certainly raises the bar for her, should she continue to with this "coming home" idea, as I'm much less likely to compromise now that I have so many alternate and attractive options. I fear my sweet, loving, adorable wife is lost forever and the woman who's left behind is just such an ugly person. I pity the fool who's married to her . . . wait, that's me . . . oh, sh!t! LOL