I've got 54 days to receive a miracle.

[AJM]

Worrying about it is likely pretty normal. You want something from her and don't get it. It's a balance. Don't you see it? She moves away and you follow. You move away and she follows. It's a balance. You were married for many years after all...

But let me ask you, does worrying about it help you? Does it change things? Or does it make you a nervous wreck? An undecisive man? A follower or a leader? Is it your normal self? Or is it a scared and, well, manipulative man (trying to get something by acting a certain way?)

In the end, worrying about it doesn't help. You'll see that at some point. That the worry didn't help you or her at all. It did nothing but take away from your life. It clouded your thinking and hurt you as a person with nothing to really show for it. Worry is a waste of your time, really.

But I also realize it helps you keep the anger at bay From being angry, even if that is what is deserved at this point. The anger is self-destructive as well. Damned if you do....

The worry won't help. The anger doesn't help, although it serves a purpose as long as it is temporary (what is temporary anyway? Is there a time limit...?)

Be at peace and understand that this isn't about you. What you see is her working on her issues and you cannot help. You cannot get your needs met (do you know what those are yet?) by her or in this separated existence. You'll figure that out in more detail even if you don't want to.

So the way I see it, you have some choices (and control). You can worry about her and what she thinks. Seems normal, but self destructive and counter to what you are doing. Or you can not worry about what she thinks and live your life as you want to. Or at least figure out what you want to do with you. You can learn to be happy with yourself and in your own thoughts. By yourself. That's a very valuable lesson and experience.

If at some time down the road W decides she wants some of that, she'll find a way to find you. Right now she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you, including you. My suggestion is that you let you have you and nobody else. Take the opportunity to learn to like you, to listen to you, to enjoy your company and being with just you. You have not done that in a very long time in your life. It's worth it...

AJ