"She can't even be bothered to look up at me when she's typing. Heaven forbid. "
Oh my gosh... Me too... I know. H says he's going to spend part of the evening with me and watch a movie with me (before he goes back to her house to spend the night) because he really wants us to stay friends (I want that too and I'm really trying...) but he's not really "here"... he's on the computer while the movie plays and I sit on the couch, typing away. (Then the night will end with him getting up to leave and saying "K, isn't doing too well tonight. I've got to go help her out before she hurts herself."
I hate the overwhelming feelings of jealously that well up in me. What an ugly feeling.. I'm not this person.. this ugly, jealous, paranoid person. I really hate what I've become and I know it's super unattractive.
Coping mechanisms... I find other things to busy myself and my hands with while he texts/talks to OW. I keep my mind as busy with other things as I can and I try not to engage him or ask him any questions about what they're talking about. I try and turn myself off... like a light switch. Go dark.
Of course... I fail all the time and my emotions end up prompting me to open my big mouth and say something about what he's doing. Everytime I do, I make it worse.
