Do what I can but still have questions 4

[soccerwife]

"The R that succeed are the ones where the WAS puts in just as much if not more effort into R than the LBS."

That is a scary thought for me b/c I never see my H putting as much as, or more than me, into anything. And he has already challenged me to prove to him that R is the right thing to do.

He has something he says all the time, "I never have to admit I am wrong because I am never wrong." That is the mentality I am working with here.

I pretty much did wake up one morning and say to myself that I was committed 100%. I feel like I could pick up right where we left off a year ago. I think it is my H, WAS, that is going to have a hard time getting back there. If he does actually go through with filing for D though, or admit to A, then I will probably have a more difficult time, but I am a much more forgiving person than he is. You are both completely right though...I have no idea what I might want a year from now and I am likely to second guess myself and have doubts about H's sincerity.

I may also be oversimplifying forgiveness, hard to tell right now as you say, because I haven't had a chance to throw it back in his face. I do feel like complete forgiveness was a prerequisite to being willing to show him unconditional love even though he may not deserve it.

But I don't think that the depression is related to the pain he has caused to date but more related to the stress of the sitch and the fear of future pain, which may be unwarranted. I can see that clearly now that I have started the meds and can separate the past pain from the fear of the future. Other than him saying some hurtful stuff, and leaving for several weekends to "party" there haven't really been a whole lot of painful events that I can really be mad about.

I just went to Retrouvaille's website and although there isn't a ton of info on there, I am interested. As soon as I get confirmation (PMA) that H is willing to work on M, I will see what he thinks about it. My guess is, he won't want to do it.