Since going dark, I do feel a bit more in control of my emotions. But I notice I am also really beginning to feel the grief and loss of my marriage (at least in it's current state) and am feeling so sad that at times, it is a neatly physical ache. Picturing h with OW is making me nearly faint with misery. I am trying to keep those thoughts out of my head, but it is really difficult.
So, going dark is good, in the sense I don't interact with h and have those awful circular conversations that go nowhere. But I am starting to really feel the pain now and boy, does it ever take my breath away.
I went to church yesterday and prayed out loud - just sat on the floor, cried my eyes out, and asked God to help me get through this situation, however it turns out. I did feel better after that. I know I will survive, whatever happens. And I am committed to doing what it takes to make the changes I know I need to make in my life, for ME. But the loss of what "was", and what could be in the future, is still tough to swallow.
