New here, not new to this: Still not easy...

[Luckyclover]

Don't focus so much on where your H is spending the night right now. He's going to do what he's going to do.

Is there anything you can do after work to GAL, before you get home? Even if you went to the library or went for a walk in a park, or did something else for your own mental health, it may create a little mystery.

Oh - and it looks like you may be off of moderation now.

Thanks for keeping an eye on me, JB. Objectively I can step back from this and know I'm still knee-jerk reacting from "I can't believe it might be ending *again*" shock... but when one is in the thick of it... gets awfully hard to be objective. :S

Yes, of course... you are right. Stop caring about where H spends the nights. I'm trying to replace "Oh no he's gone." with "Oh good, now I can get some sleep tonight." Some nights it works. One evening after he packed up his backpack and left (after helping me put the kids to bed), I fell asleep pretty much right after he left... at 9:30pm... woke up at 6:30am when the kids got me up. All this emotional sprinting (when I should be marathoning) really physically drains a person, doesn't it? I'm learning to celebrate (even just a little bit) the nights that he takes off (even when I'd rather he stay) because I know I need the sleep.

I am going to see if there is anything I can do on the evenings by myself to create a little mystery and GAL to boot. It's hard when you're chained to the house but I'm going to see if there are evenings my brother can come over and housesit while the kids are asleep so I can go for a walk. I've also really been wanting to go see a movie by myself... not with a friend or H or anyone. Just me. It will remind me of college when I used to go to the movies by myself all the time.

But I want to deliver a 2x4 to you today. You have got to work more actively to put yourself in a priority position in your life. What you want matters and what you need matters. H does not seem to be the person to give you those things right now. You have to find out how to dig deep and give those things (your wants and needs) to yourself.

I need more slaps upside the head with that 2x4, I swear. I keep forgetting that I should be the priority in my life. He was so broken when we reconciled that I developed a very bad habit of putting him first all the time.. to show him how he was important to me. Boy, was that poor long term planning or what? :S

Also... question.. what does GITS mean?

*Waves* Hi Maryr_32. Welcome to the heartbroken LBS club. It's a lousy club to be in full of really great people. Having to care for S5 and D4 certainly keeps me moving forward everyday.. even when I don't want to.

And hooray! I'm off moderation!