Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

thanks so much for the replies. Sure do hope i get off moderation soon!

Well, last night my lack of sleep and lack of food caught up wiht me and I did it again. Messed up. I started the R talk while she was texting. Not sure how I did it -- i didn't mean to. She said "I've given you thirteen years and I am ready to move on - alone or with someone else" I did get my DBing skills back a bit by that point and agreed with her. I said, I understand, but we need to work on becoming friends, and you are my best friend, etc... Then I talked too much. I can't just *BLEEPING* say something and let it go. I talk it to death (one of her long standing complaints I might add).

She almost slept on the couch last night, but ended up coming to bed as usual. I have GOT to get ahold of this R talk. I SO need reassurance, and i SO know that is not what I'm going to get so why the F* do we all do that?

I printed sandi's 37 tips for DBing and carry them in my purse all the time, and read the throughout the day. The feeling I have in the pit of my stomach is awful. I can't stop thinking about them together and the "ILY" texts I read. How in the world is she saying ILY to someone she supposedly only has been in contact with for a few weeks????? I know, I know, don't believe ANYTHING they say...etc....

I know it's going to be a bumpy ride but I keep looking at my S4 and knowing it will be worth it if we can save the only family he's known. I love my family so much, and I only wish I had known earlier that she was so unhappy -- or what to do about it. Or stopped trying so hard. Or tried differently. Or..... I can make myself crazy. I thought we had come through the fire and were strong.

I'm not sure how to pick my feet up every day and GAL. Last night I took S4 to friend's house for dinner and playtime with their kids. I guess anything I do that is not sitting here obsessing about them together is GAL -- but all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die. I'm sure many of you know that feeling. It is through my core and I can barely move sometimes. WHY do we allow anyone to have this much control over our emotions???????????