"Just wondering, when only the LBS is the one going through self discovery and the marriage ends up repaired, the WAS may never actually figure out what went on? Does a DB'er ever tell the WAS what they went through to save the M? If they don't ever fully appreciate how the LBS felt or how things changed, aren't they more likely to repeat their own mistakes?"
One would hope that in repairing the M that the story comes out. It should be one of the things that brings you closer together. It is like an old friend that did something to you in the past.. and you finally sit down and discuss it and put it behind you. What trips people up is that most of the time people just can't let go of something. The "work" in front of you is mind-boggling. This is why being prepared is so important. Where you are.. what you are doing now.. is the easy part by far.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
