Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

BND, she originally forwarded me the email where she corrected the school official saying we are divorced and it is Ms. now. That bothered me. I don't want to be reading emails between her and others where she's updating everyone that we are divorced. She could have just sent me an email saying "hey, they want to meet with us on these dates."

It's mostly me. I read those words and I see "I divorced that loser. My name now is ..."

Kat, I was actually happy about yesterday because there were times I felt fortunate to be free of her and the situation. Those times are growing ever so slowly. It's tough though when I'm around the girls because they want us back together. They want to know the house will always be there. They want the life they had.

Part of it is impatience too. I am eager for something great to happen. I have problems just "being fine."

Quick mental game:

I miss being with my daughters every day.

I don't miss having to gauge how XW wants me to react when the girls have a problem or issue.

I miss having someone there on the weekends and at the end of the day.

I don't miss having to negotiate her increasingly negative moods about work, her family, the house and me.

I miss the sex from years 1 through 10 of the marriage.

I don't miss the final 3 years where she was 1 million miles away.

I don't miss her family -- at all.

I miss having two incomes to work with.

I don't miss having to keep the family finances above water while she spent, spent and spent every dime and then some.

I miss having the ring on my finger -- the illusion of the perfect life and not having to explain my situation.

I don't miss the 'what is wrong with us' feeling that I've struggled with since probably 2002.

I miss waking up next to her. That's a hard one.

I don't miss watching her tumble deeper into the abyss and not knowing how to help her.

I actually miss our dog.

If you add it up, I don't miss her the person. Not the person she turned out to be. I miss the person I married, but she disappeared years ago. I do miss having the comfort, backbone and image of a family -- and I do miss my girls.