Still no call back from w. I know this is the first week of school for her. She's usually crazy busy for the 1st 3 wks or so.
Every year we would have our annual fight during the beginning of school. I would miss spending time with her, and we would fight about it. I remember last year, I was on a shoot in San Francisco, I was coming home early and she was disappointed. She said it had been nice not having me home so she could focus on school. I was hurt that she wasn't excited to see me. I hated that she was soo busy yet took very weekend to veg infront of the tv.
I wish I would have been able to express my feelings clearly. Hindsight is 20/20. Either way, I'm sure she will look at this time as a positive to not being married to me anymore.
Sorry - I know I shouldn't think that way. I shouldn't assume I know why she hasn't gotten back to me. I'm just mad that I'm stupidly waiting for her call back. Every day that goes by, I'm like "really.. you couldn't have just taken 5 minutes to call me back".
But I'm reminded how long it took me to send my email, to call her back. It's not about her, It's about controlling me. My reactions, my feelings, learning to be patient, learning to have faith.
I'm sitting in so many emotions any more. I try not to think about w, but it's there all the time. Not just our m, but trying to deal with my lack of self-worth and the emotional abuse wounds, dealing with terminally ill family members, dealing with friendships. All seem to connect to m or w some how.
Urgh. So tough. I know it's good stuff.. I am just expressing my inner 5 year old right now.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
