Do what I can but still have questions 3

[soccerwife]

An A is NOT a deal breaker for me. I completely understand why people have A's. In fact, I have considered it myself on many occasions, and once only a few months ago, before I did all this self exploration, it nearly happened. 10 yrs ago it probably would have been a deal breaker, but not now. I am not saying an A is excusable or that I wouldn't be hurt, but I am saying that I am owning some of the responsibility for him wanting someone new.

Motives for staying, even if there is an A: I simply do not believe in unnessesary D. We were meant to grow old together. Our kids need both parents. I would be partially responsible for the sitch and thus I must forgive myslef and H. it isn't my place to be his judge and his mistakes are not an insult to my character. I have no interest in starting a new relationship with anyone else at this time, I would rather continue to work on this relationship and ultimately get much better rewards.

You know, I recently accepted that he is NOT the same man I married. It took me a long time to accept that because I was still the same woman. Well, I have changed incredibly in the last couple months, and I am no longer the same person. I have grown in character. I now can see why this has to be looked at as a new relationship. We can never have that same niave, childlike infatuation again. Hopefully he can grow some too and we can love each other in a new way.

Just wondering, when only the LBS is the one going through self discovery and the marriage ends up repaired, the WAS may never actually figure out what went on? Does a DB'er ever tell the WAS what they went through to save the M? If they don't ever fully appreciate how the LBS felt or how things changed, aren't they more likely to repeat their own mistakes?