I believe I have enough info from my L to understand what could be "worse" if a judge so chose...
My W could get 100% of the kids, I could be forced to pay child support (which my W thinks she can waive; I'm sure the judge would enforce it and it is right for me to pay, anyhow), I might not get spousal, and the asset dissolution could be less for myself...
With the kids, it's no worse than what is going on right now... with child support, like I said it is something that is right, anyhow... with spousal, I should be allowed it but if a judge said no, oh well... and as far as assets, I'm pretty sure (as my L suggested the offer is insulting) her offer is significantly less than what it should be...
On D9's b-day party, I did not go... My parents chose not to go, as well... the only two from my family that went was my sister (D9's god-mother) and my youngest niece...
I am actually glad I did not go. D9 really showed no ill effect when I talked to her the morning of her b-day nor when I picked her up on Tuesday. I really don't think I would have been stable enough to last there long enough...
Interesting though, there might be another OM... I suspected that to be the case, but not enough data... and guess who was also at my D9's b-day party... this "new OM"... This is the guy whom I've never met, yet is apparently such good friends with my W, whom as far as I know, has only been met by my W and kids late last year... this guy was introduced to my W and kids through her enabling friends and "original" (EA/PA?) OM who I found in my bed with my W... this new guy "rubbed" my D9's back while she was going to sleep this spring while they were at a weekend party at enabling friend's place... my W had early supper with this guy at her place, prior to me dropping the kids off at my W's this Sunday...
My D9 and D13 do seem to think he's a nice guy... fair enough... I'm just glad that I wasn't at D9's as I really have no interest in seeing the P/E dynamic between this guy and my W...
And yes, I really do not know what the in-laws think about me, aside from what my W has shared, if that is true (might be some truth, but likely exaggerated knowing my W)... I have no problems with accidental, 1-1 meetings and conversations with them at this time... it just would have been a little overwhelming to be with all of them at once...
I really do have no doubt that on the "one off" occasions like graduation, marriages, grand children (yikes) etc... I will step up and might very well have a great R with my W by that time, at least in relation to being able to be "warm" and friendly with her... for now... not so much...
The ring...?
TBH, I am not at all interested with recon with my W... not anger, just... not interested...
If you don't remember, truth is, I was the OM when I met my W... yes, the rationalization is she was exiting from a physically abuse R... still, she cheated with me on D13's bio dad... although I love(d) her, she was neurotic even then... I had concerns, but stepped up... I did not expect to "fix" her, but I saw the good in her and it poked through and shone from time to time... as did the neurosis...
I've been holding off calling my W MLC, for the usual reasons... and yet, I can show probably 90% proof that she IS MLC... but who knows... the point is, IF she is MLC and guessing where she is at (likely mid way through replay), then there is very likely another 2.5 to 3 years before she even begins to own her part in the breakdown of our M...
I COULD wait... I suppose... but as with MLC or simply WAS... there's no guarantee what her choices or thinking might be at that time... I'm OK with moving on... I really am...
In 4 more years, my D9 will be able to "choose" which parent she wants to live with, D13 already has that "choice"... I don't expect that my W would deny me access to my kids, regardless of what a judge might rule or what the L might write up... because as far as my W's past behaviour, there are far too many occasions in the future that she will want to go out and party and be with some OM and I'll be the "logical choice" for where the kids will be at those times...
Nah... the ring is only on because, and I don't care if I appear to be vacillating on D or not D, I might sign off on an offer from my W or I might hold off for a judicial ruling, or... who knows... I wear the ring one last time to remind myself that I DID stand for the M... I DID stand for my W and my kids... and my W would not stand with me... and that's OK...
When I sign off on the M... I will take the ring off... I'm OK with that... I did everything I could... my W is making choices I cannot control... nothing I did, said, whatever... none of that "changed her mind" nor broke the camels back... where we are right now, where we are going with the D... I know it was what my W was going to do, no matter what...
I have my life to live... I have my kids to be a father to... my W is looking externally to find her happiness... and the future is a lovely mystery...
Thanks for checking in, 25... you've been a great support...
