25yearsmlc- I just really doubt he feels any pain from this. Wouldn't it be some form of relief? Less guilt?
It is very hard for me to believe I can't blow this with the wrong word or look. I have believed for the longest time I could "fix" it if I said the right thing. I know thats not true but have to believe it.
No, I doubt he will come and see the kids anytime soon if ever. He doesn't care how much pain they are in right now. It doesn't trump how he feels.
The lawyer said to call H if we can be civil. I don't think so. I wanted to call today and ask -are you happy now-you got your papers? I didn't but still tempted to.
I don't feel like the agrieved party! I know I am but don't feel it. Like somewhere in there I am to blame. I am embarresed for him and myself and my family. He threw us all under the bus. I am a little surprised how warped my thinking seems to be. Like somehow this is my fault. Its hard to hand his choices to him. LIke I gave him no other choice because the my H the one I knew wouldn't do this! I must have had something to do with it. Venting again today.
