Do what I can but still have questions 3

[25yearsmlc]

H was nice to me all evening and pursued a pleasant conversation with me about his day. I was so skeptical of his motives the whole time though, like I was just waiting for him to try to hurt me again. I even started to go through the emotion control process in my mind to prepare (feel the symptoms, determine the exact emotion, assess available reactions and their consequences, and take action to get outcome I want).

He did have a motive, and that was to ask me if I would mind if he spent 2 nights and 3 days at a "party" this weekend. Of course I mind that I will be a single parent again this weekend but I don't really have a choice, do I? So I replied with all I could muster, "no, I don't mind."

I know why you didn't tell him the truth. Who wants a fight now? OTOH who wants to be trapped in a m in which none of what they actually do want is allowed? I wonder if you can come up with a way of being clear without being angry.

Maybe even a bit funny but honest. Almost sarcastic but not quite snotty... Like saying what you said HERE...

"do I 'mind'? H, why would I 'mind'? You're leaving me alone with the kids for a holiday weekend, again, but we both know I am not allowed to say I mind and I am not allowed to say 'no' b/c then, really, what would YOU DO? I think you'd walk around with your sad puppy dog face all weekend or sulk 24/7

and then I'll be mistreated that way while we pretend you are being denied something you deserve AND then you'll come home in one of your crap moods so I lose either way b/c that's how you are setting it up...So sure, have a great time. REALLY, I DON'T MIND AT ALL...HAVE FUN DARLING!!..."


IDK
Just a thought. At least it'd be honest- and he'd know that you know that he knows...he's full of it.

So now, I have to prepare myself for his return from another weekend acting like a frat boy. Each time he does this he comes home in the worst mood possible and that is always when he insists on S/D. Admittedly, I always encourage him to tell me what is on his mind that he is acting so rudely. Well, I certainly won't get sucked into that again, I have learned that lesson at least twice now, three times is a charm.

"Sorry you are so angry. You must have had a crappy time again..."

"We had a blast while you were gone, and when you have a chance, we can talk about THAT"...

Soccer, can you get a sitter for one of the nights and go out with some peeps? Just create some mystery and get the kids to talk about THEIR evening with the sitter in front of h...and let him wonder. Period.

Otherwise, what are your GAL things now? And how are you feeling about the m in general, aside from this obnoxious stuff this weekend?

Also, when is this counselling session and did HE suggest it so he could "tell you something"? I suggest you prepare for whatever of course...but it's not necessarily going to be a clear affair he confesses to, but rather more lies and or, more vague "I want to be single but there's NO OW..."stories. In truth, there might not be a specific OW.

But maybe he wants to be single perhaps...and doesn't know how to say it b/c it sounds like saying "W, I want to be a selfish jerk. That's fine with you right??" In some ways that's more frustrating. He won't own the crap he's putting you through.

Be prepared for some vague "I want out, BUT I can't quite say it openly" type of stuff too...just a thought.

You sound mentally ready. I think where the head goes, the heart follows, eventually.

As you prepare yourself mentally, your heart will get stronger too.

I think you are stronger than you know. I'm Glad you are processing everything pretty darn bravely. I admire that. As far as the frat boy stuff, remember that I blew my h's homecomings...b/c I didn't think he deserved them.

Let's say I was "right" or at least that I was correct in saying h was selfish for working late those nights.

Okay...so now what? How do we respond to that? What would a 180 be here? Just wondering...

Can you welcome your h home from his weekend away, (acting as if he really did just go to some parties,) with the kids happily greeting him and his fav dinner?

It's an idea. IDK that I could do it

but I might enjoy seeing his face wanting to be a jerk but not being able to pull it off.

[b]
Soccer, what do You want now[?/b]? Do you know?

If you didn't have any kids, what would you be fighting for?

You think you Would still be here on this site? I am asking sincerely.

I want to know what, other than the kids presumed benefits, YOU are getting from this m?

And what you are hoping for?...