Wow. I understand the emotions and the tears, as you finally let go of the idea of your marriage [I think] It all happened very quickly, although the build up and preparation were there.
From what you have said I do think your xh had a type of mid life crisis to which he chose not to respond. Even if a relationship isn't working, going off and having an affair, as we all agree, isn't the mature way out. And he is replicating his marriage behaviours again, as you have noticed.
The health issues are interesting. Our bodies are often wiser than our conscious minds.
FWIW I do not think you response did put the final nail in the coffin. It is always hard to tell what someone in MLC, who is typically hiding from themselves and their issues by distracting behaviours, will interpret anything. I agree with 25 who pointed out that he is falling back on his pattern of turning to you. Work isn't OK, and his new r isn't solving his problems . . . . .
As you know nothing we can say or do will help them on their journey. One day he might grow up. I don't think differences are a problem in a relationship - a cousin of mine once said that if two people think alike on everything, one of them isn't necessary!
Shared values are hugely important.
Please do not apologise for posting a lot. Being alongside someone who is really working through all of this is a privilege, not an imposition.
Remember to cherish the inner child here. She is likely to be feeling a bit scared.
