I just caught up on your thread and you sound like you're reaching a place of understanding and of "letting go". And I think you might have just stepped off that rollercoaster.
Anyway, I hope counselling is the catalyst for change. I really do. I hope your H can get to a place of forgiveness because you have tried so hard to keep your family together. You should be so proud of that because it's so difficult and so painful when you feel like you're doing it alone.
I am sending you all the positive thoughts I can...
