I wholeheartedly agree with 25 on this one. But I'll add that I think what you are doing is starting to see things differently. Kind of a post-mortem on the past 26 years. That's not unhealthy, Tad. It's part of the process and you are doing swimmingly. What we keep trying to tell you is that you are not spending enough time on you (that we can see). Yet.
One question that keeps coming through your mind (most likely) is that of "did I marry the wrong or a flawed person" with the implication being, "can I avoid it in the future".
You need to answer that question. But I'll give you a hint: no.
This isn't about you. Yet. But the day of Tad is fast approaching. I can see it. You'll have to give yourself permission to allow it. To embrace it. To live it. You will. I can see that too.
In the meantime, we keep trying to help you see that later, 10 years from now maybe, you'll look back and wonder why you spent so much time worrying about things you couldn't control. You'll know why and you'll be at peace, but you'll wonder just the same.
It's ok. But remember that 10 years looking back, you have to be good with what your actions and your thoughts and your energy were used for. What you were doing it for. Habit? Addiction? Love? All of the above? Perhaps. And that's ok. But you cannot see what is going to happen nor can you control her actions or her reasons. You don't know the why and likely won't ever. Neither will she if I had to guess. Such is life.
But you will have to answer why you did things. Part of that is understanding your past history and looking for clues. You'll find them, because looking back it is always much easier to connect the dots, even if you're wrong. You will be wrong about some of it, but that's also ok. It's your life to live and your choice how you'll live it.
In my case, I resolved to fight until I no longer could justify fighting. I did that. I have NO regrets. You're the type to also have no regrets and it's hard to let that go.
One piece at a time, you must let things go. Reviewing your history is part of that process. Looking forward in your life, having hopes, dreams, etc that are for YOU is also part of that. That's why we ask, what you want. What you really want. What you want from life first, and then from other areas in that life. Right now, I don't think you really know what you want from life. Honestly. You're in flux and coming out of a lot of shock.
Could you have seen it coming? Again, a hint: no. Will you keep trying to figure it out for a while? Most likely, but don't spend too much time on the why and focus on the what and your future as a man. The rest will fall into place whether or not you want it to
Be at peace and enjoy the little friday and the weekend my friend.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
