Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[MadeToSucceed]

Been still trying to pour over the options on the adultery thing. I do want the truth to be told. Since we are going to mediation and not trial (I'm hoping it never gets that far...honestly would love if it never got to mediation but it doesn't appear that way) I'm talking to my lawyer about options.

I think I am going to be certain that I am not signing off on something for irreconcilable differences. In all honesty, that is for ME and not her. I feel as if I do that, I'm perpetuating a lie. So for me, it's not about me inflicting pain on her but rather me being true to myself and protecting myself. At the end of the day, if it is determined I deserve a disproportionate amount, I have the option to reject that and say I only want the standard 50%. But I do want to be on record that I am not the one that sought this divorce nor am I the one that filed suite.

I have completely abandoned the pursuing because I do fully realize there is nothing I can "do" to change her heart/mind in this. Again, being faith driven, I've left that in God's hands to work and to be honest, I personally feel like He's been trying to get her attention...first through her injury earlier this summer and now through her recent performance. I do not KNOW that to be true because I'm not God but I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought that.

Today has been tough because she went on facebook and changed her name back to her maiden name (even though we aren't divorced) and she unfriended me. I know that probably seems trivial to many of you but it struck at my heart yet again. She's even told people that I did things and wasn't going to change so she had to "be woman enough to walk away." I've been gradually getting better of the past few weeks but the past few days have been rough on me.