I'm probably being too nice but I got a block of his favourite chocolates (Toblerone) and a photo frame - I took the kids to the beach on Sunday and took some photos of them - and also drew in the sand "We love daddy" and photographed that. I'm trying to be the better person.
Excellent work! I was so happy to read that. That's just how I was the first time we separated.. and I'm working on that again. I strive to get through this with grace, love and dignity. Someone told me once to slash his tires (during our first seperation) and I remember being horrified by the idea.
Actually when H came home to tell me why he left he said words similar. He said he'd always felt guilty that I was the one at home doing everything and running my business while all he had to do was go to work.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
I've thought a lot about stuff like that, too. In many ways, I bent over backwards to please my W in ways that I know a lot of other men would not do for their significant others. I packed our lunches every night, I did the lion's share of the chores, I got her pills and contacts out for her, I bought her lots of gifts, I stayed up late to watch TV shows and movies with her even though I had to go to sleep, etc. So when she left, I thought, "So I guess all those nice things I did for you were for nothing?"
I've read in many places that, paradoxically, the more YOU do for the other person, it seems like the less THEY'LL return. I don't know why that balance occurs, but it does. Once we start investing less in the relationship, chances are they'll start adding more of their share to make up the difference.
Or maybe they never did anything for us as they just didn't feel the love for us anymore? And we were too blind to see it?
I used to get up in the morning, do washing, feed the kids, take them to school, work in my business all day, pick the kids up, do homework with them, do more work, sometimes mow the lawn, either cook dinner, or get everything prepared, then die at night (hence the lack of intimacy that my H complained of).
H would get up, feed himself, go to work, come home, cook dinner (if it wasn't already cooked), play on the computer then go to bed.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Bless my son. They have made Father's Day cards at school. My son doesn't say much but has made a card and it says "Please come home dad we all love you".
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
My H told me that he had doubts about us when we built our first house - that was before we got married! Why drag me along through his life if he didn't want me then. He obviously can't be alone. Even with all this he's still not alone!
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Julz - He didn't have doubts. He's rewriting history in an attempt to convince himself that what he's doing is ok - everyone else can chime in here and tell you how normal it is. He'll tell you he hasn't "been in love" with you for a while, that he had doubts all along, blah blah blah.
It's all horse puke - he's just trying to convince *himself* that he's making the right choice. It's not about you.
((hugs))
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
@Julz, Girl is 100% right. My w told me that the day she married me.. all could she think of was "how great married life would be if she could let me love her". And nothing about loving me.
It was BS, I was there. It was an awesome day. She was so excited and so was I!
Re-writing history is just what they do. It's not true or about YOU. Write that in sharpie on your hand so you can look at it every time h says something. There will be more to come most likely. The guiltier WAS feel, the more LBS gets hurt. It suKKs
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I can agree to this to some extent. I'm certain that my W has re-written things in our R to make me look much worse than I actually was, but I've never gotten anything so blatantly foolish and untrue as "I never loved you." I'm not sure why this is, especially when it seems to be such a common sign of affair self-justification. (I have, however, gotten a lot of nonsense about her potraying herself as being "out of my league." This seems quite a bit like re-writing -- if she always felt above me in quality, then why did she bother being with me in the first place?)
