wow im severely stuck today. very little communication going on between us. she didnt say it was over, but him being there when i was picking up kids felt like a big sign, so i have only been responding to her texts, not sending any to her.
over the last 3 days i worked on the house and getting some stuff done around there, hung out with my mom and spent 4 hours with 2 kids at the dealership for an oil change...
while dropping kids off, i briefly asked if her and he were a thing now, she said no. like she would be honest though. i know i should not have asked, and my answer is in her actions anyway, so i just need to keep working on me. the rest of the brief conversation was fine, told her about the car and a few finances since we are super tight with money right now.
so issue this morning...
she is staying at her moms house, and after last week when she got pretty mad at me and hung up, she has been staying there now with the kids on days that i work.
last night, grandpa got a little crazy and sounded like he was yelling and screaming and being pretty mean to my wife and kids, he even bumped my wife a few times and she called the police on him. he ended up leaving his house, and the kids and her and grandma stayed the night, once grandma left he was back and yelling again this morning, so my wife got her and the kids out of there.
ok so this is where im stuck... i dont know what to do. before she got angry at me last week the kids were staying with me every night and she was the only one sleeping at her moms and then coming back to them in the morning. when i saw him hiding when i went to pick up kids sat night i did ask her for the key back to my house. she had not used it the last 2 days anyway, but still.
i dont want to save her, or think im trying to, or her only option or whatever you want to call it. how do i offer her a solution for where her and the kids can stay so they feel safe. or at least the kids again after last night.
one thing she got super made at me for, was me telling her she always acts like the victim. and i want to help her, but how?
the other wrinkle is the OM has offered to pay for a place for her to live, this seems like something that would be sort of the death nell to our marriage to me having my wife live somewhere being paid for by a guy that is still chasing after her...
bottom line, i want to help her, but i want her to be able to stand on her own 2 feet as well, i dont want her to feel like i saved her, that will just have her feel more resentment towards me and push her further away.
and the kicker does feel like if i dont save her, he will.
sorry if this is not making sense or if im not getting how i feel across properly
any advise would be helpful, all i have responded with is
